i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
