you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
