We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
two words...techno handjob
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
