My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
