on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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