i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
