Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
