i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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