u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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