if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
