all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
