I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
