Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
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normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
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WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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