i would punch a child for taco bell
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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