when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
