I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
