thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
All I want is dick and wine.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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