My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
