also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
