He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
