just come out here and I will go home with you...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
