dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
