She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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