'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
