Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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