Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my shit smells like andre
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
