just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
