If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
