i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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