do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
