Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
