Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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