sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
