You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
