i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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