I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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