I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
last night I used snow as a chaser
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
