wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
