so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
