I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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