He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
