I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
