You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
