yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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