I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
