3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
