If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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