whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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