im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize