she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
