is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I FOUND THE LEGS
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