Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
