Christians are straight up FREAKS
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
