It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
