from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
