genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
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he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize