I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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