my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
