its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
