So drunk its hurt
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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