I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
