There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
