The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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