CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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