omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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