Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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