Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize