last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
