i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
